This journal entry will be long, so if you're not interested in my ramblings about German history and personal memories just skip it. This journal entry is also a mess, because I pretty much wrote what came to my mind.

Twenty years ago...

I was lying, ill, on the couch in my grandparents' flat. Watching TV. I'm not sure what was on, but I think it was Titanic (from 1953). Ironic it seems.

If I hadn't been ill and my grandparents had not been on vacation I wouldn't have witnessed what was about to happen.... anyway, lying there and watching the movie I was surprised when scroll-text appeared. It was unusual and I thought something bad must have happened. The movie was finished and there was a "Sondersendung" of the "Aktuelle Kamera" and what I saw changed the world. Well, mine at least. There isn't much to say about it... I just witnessed the fall of the Berlin wall. I don't remember much except maybe the goose pimples and shock. Very much the same feeling I had when I saw that second plane crash into the tower.

The other feelings came later... joy, fear, sorrow.

In the next few weeks and months there were some drastic changes in our lives. I saw and heard a lot of important people in those months... Willy Brandt, Helmut Kohl amongst others. They said a lot of things and some of them promised great things.

On March 18th in 1990 there was the last election in the GDR and those who promised a quick unification won. Today I'm not sure it was for the best, but it's history. Even if we wanted, we can not change it.

On July 1st "we got the D-Mark". And not far after that we joined the FRG. In the end it wasn't unification, just joining. Unification as I understand it now would have meant... you take those 2 countries and both of them contribute something to a new country. That's not what happened, but it's done now.

In the next few years I watched the closeout of my hometown. None of the industry survived, they were either sold (and closed after the know how and technique was transferred ) or just closed. It was a hard time in many ways.

Looking back I never realized how complicated and paranoid life in the GDR was... "don't talk to this one, don't talk to that one", "don't talk about important things on the phone", "be there early so you don't have to wait so long", "switch the "Westfernsehen" off when the neighbors come home", "don't play with xyz his father works for the Stasi" and so on. Today I still have an uneasy feeling sometimes when I talk about certain things on the phone, I guess it's the legacy of that life. I watch with sorrow certain developments in our society, new laws, and politicians. They should know better.

I had a lot of experiences and opportunities I wouldn't have had if November 9th 1989 had not happened. So I'm thankful.

There are a lot of things one could say about the "Wende". Just a few of my thoughts about it...

I'm kinda sad for some people.

Those who really resisted that government, the Stasi. Who were in prison for their opinions and beliefs, who were tortured and who couldn't study, learn, teach what they wanted. And who are even now under suspicion and watched again by the state. They truly do not deserve that kind of behavior.

I'm also sad for the "believers". In my life I met a lot of people with numbers tattooed in their forearms. Some of the most gentle, honest and idealistic human beings. They really believed they would built a better state... they were betrayed too. They were naive and they believed in those lies. For them it's the lie of their lives.

I'm also pissed off.

E.g. by our dear "Bundeskanzlerin". A woman, who actively supported the GDR in their youth organization and always plays it down. But Mrs. Merkel wasn't in opposition, because she wouldn't have been allowed to go to university if she had been. She was an FDJ-operative and was responsible for agitation and propaganda.

One of the most difficult things for me is to feel unification... it still often is "us" and "them", "east" and "west". It's sometimes fun to compare the different experiences, but sometimes it's not.

And one of the things I really love in Berlin is the feeling of confidence that, if this "unification" will work, it will work in Berlin.

In the end, it will all work out some way or another...


I end with a quote of a song I think fits pretty well...

There are twenty years to go
A golden age I know
But all will pass
Will end too fast
You know

There are twenty years to go
And many friends I hope
Though some may hold the rose
Some hold the rope

That's the end and that's the start of it
That's the whole and that's the part of it
That's the hide and that's the heart of it
That's the long and that's the short of it
That's the best and that's the test in it
That's the doubt, the doubt, the trust in it
That's the sight and that's the sound of it
That's the gift and that's the trick in it

_{PS. I feel so old now.}